Baby Truth's Birth Story

Baby "Truth" was born on August 25, 2015 at 3:53 am, only 10 days past our due date!

Truth was my second successful VBAC after a C-section with L in 2010 and a VBAC with J in 2013. J's pregnancy and birth was a crazy journey. Read about it here. Even though it was THE HARDEST thing I have ever done, I had no regrets about having a natural (drug free) birth. The idea of another natural birth was completely daunting, but I also knew I'd probably regret it if I didn't try.

After the first child, the next babies tend to come sooner and with faster labor, so we were prepared to act quickly, but when my due date and then 41 weeks came and went, I was not surprised at all. My doctor had been on vacation until I was 40 weeks, 2 days, so it was actually a blessing that I didn't have to deliver with someone else. Still, each time I felt contractions that didn't progress, I was disappointed. It wasn't until Monday (41+2) when I went to the chiropractor, that my 2 an hour contractions (I'd been having them mostly since Friday) jumped to about every 10-15 minutes and continued throughout the day. I'd experienced early labor coming and going with J, so I hoped but didn't expect to actually make any real progress. We had a church leadership dinner in the evening, and as I suspected, my contractions spaced out significantly while we were there. They went back to 30-45 minutes apart. (I did have one oddly strong one that lasted more than three minutes with a double peak--the kind you usually only get very shortly before pushing.) Thanks to all my classes and studies, I knew that labor can stall or stop when you change settings early on, so I kind of assumed that would be the end of it for the night. However, as soon as we got back into the car to drive home, I jumped right back to 10-15 minute contractions!

We got home, I decided I should just go right to bed "in case." But I never slept. After an hour of 10 minute, very uncomfortable contractions, I remembered that when I had J, contractions in bed were harder to deal with and that being up and moving helped me manage the pain. Again, I assumed they would stop since every other night when I woke up with contractions, they'd quit once I got out of bed. But I kept tracking. D went to sleep and I just roamed around trying different things and tracking the changes. I ended up Facebook messaging with a good friend throughout that time. We joked about her being my doula from afar! Talking (typing/texting) is a great distraction for me, and S also helped me think through how soon I should call my mom to come get the boys. She lives 30 minutes north of us, and the hospital is 35 minutes south, so I couldn't wait too long, but I also didn't want to call her only to have labor quit again. By 11:00, my contractions were 3-6 minutes apart, so I made the call and woke D. It was the middle of the night, so we had no traffic to be concerned about, and I felt very confident that we had at least a few hours of labor ahead of us. My mom got there at around 11:45. She stayed with me while D switched car seats, loaded her car and ours and put the boys in. They barely woke up. I waited out a couple more contractions before getting down to the car.

Even though I didn't have back labor with Truth, this labor had a lot in common with my labor with J. When we got into the car, contractions slowed back down. They'd definitely been under 4 minutes, which is the typical time to head to the hospital, but in the car, they went back up to around 6 minutes. That worked for me. Being strapped into a seat for half an hour does not make for the best pain management. Thanks to new speed limits and almost zero traffic, we made it to the hospital even faster than usual. I decided I did not want D to drop me off, so I went with him to the parking garage and probably had at least three contractions just walking to the entrance. We met a nurse at emergency since it was after hours, and she walked us to labor and delivery. When J was born, we'd been planning an induction that morning, so we went straight to our room. This time, we had the new experience of going first to triage. In triage, they connected me to a fetal heart rate and contraction monitor to make sure everything looked good. A resident came in to check my progress, but she got called out and ended up delivering two babies before she got back to me. It was about two hours later that she came back and found that I was 6 cm dilated.

I was officially admitted, and we walked to what I was told was the very last labor and delivery room. It didn't even register, but the lights were very dim, as per my birth plan request. It was about 3 am by then. The movement seemed to be enough to pick up labor, and I started having very close contractions. I needed to be back in bed for my VBAC requirements of continuous fetal monitoring and a capped IV just in case of an emergency. My doctor arrived and just joined the team. I was immediately aware of why we are so willing to drive 35 minutes each way to stay in her practice. Even though she clearly had medical authority once she came in the room, she put gentle pressure on my back and just helped quietly talk me through each contraction.

And this is where my nemesis began to come back into the equation: fear. It was clear that pushing was around the corner, and I just started to fall apart at the idea of going through that and feeling every ounce of pain that was coming with it. I knew there was no chance of any pain medication at that point, but I really had it in my head that it was going to be too much for me to handle. I needed to hear, it's too late, and by the time we'd get anything in your IV, your baby will be here! I still said over and over again that I didn't want to push. Dr. K told me, "You'll push three times and she will be here." But I didn't want to do it. Now that I'm thinking back, self-doubt is common in transition, so I guess I was right on track!

I tried a few positions again, but I was just so tired that I ended up choosing to be back on my back. Dr. K suggested that she break my water to help me get through faster, and I agreed. (My water has never broken on its own!) I pushed for three contractions--as my doctor predicted. Why do I never believe her? Crowning was awful, as I remembered, but I didn't have to  deal with the last minute head rotation J did that really hurt me. Her head came out, and where J basically came out in one push, only Truth's head was out. I could tell her shoulders were a little caught, but one more push got her out and she was on my chest. I still had to push the placenta, which I don't remember at all with J, and I had two tiny tears to be stitched up. The excitement began again when I had a lot of clots and needed a Pitocin drip to help make sure I wouldn't hemorrhage.

Truth is not a shy baby. No cute little newborn cries came that night; it was more of a "How could you do this to me!" wail that she brought out even when I repositioned her to help with nursing. She did get the latch pretty much immediately and has been a great eater. She has the darkest hair of all the kids, and she's three out of three with my nose! Even though I gained the least weight this pregnancy, at 9lbs 5oz, she tied L for heaviest, and at 20 inches, she's the shortest.

Truth's real name means truth and grace. John 1:17 says that grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. Our family's verse is Micah 6:8: "And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." We hope that our daughter will grow to care about truth and justice, but treat those around her with grace and compassion.

Missing Baby Story

For more than a year, I've been trying to find the right words to share this in a way that will honor our daughter and explain my feelings about her loss.  Since I'm sure I never will, I know it's time.

In 2012, we hoped to have another baby.  I'd been experiencing some odd health-related issues.  Even while they were frustrating, I learned a lot.  It was one of the things that caused me to pursue non-toxic cleaning, whole foods, running, and even this blog!  I finally found out I was pregnant in July of 2012. (When I say finally, I realize that many people struggle and wait much longer than I did.  It just felt long at the time!)

Two weeks later, I had some signs of possible miscarriage when I woke up.  I called my nurse midwife and she arranged an ultrasound and blood test that afternoon. At the ultrasound, the technician found a gestational sack, but the baby was too small to see.  This meant one of two things: either the baby had stopped growing, or the due date had been estimated at least three weeks too soon.  My midwife ordered blood work to check if my hCG levels matched the correct age of the baby.  If my hormone levels were too high for the gestational age, it would mean that the baby had stopped growing.  The results came back just over an hour later, and my hormone levels matched the ultrasound to put me at five weeks pregnant instead of eight.  Even though that gave us some hope, I was pretty sure I wasn't three weeks off.  

For the next week, I had my hCG levels checked every 2-3 days hoping for a significant increase that would indicate growth.  Each time, there was an increase, but not nearly what they were looking for.  It was pretty awful to be strung along on a thread of hope that seemed unlikely.  I would have preferred a clear answer one way or the other.  My follow up ultrasound about a week after the first showed no change in the baby's size and confirmed that she was no longer alive.

Only God knows for sure whether our baby was a boy or a girl, but we think of her as a little girl.  We decided to give her the name Story Hope.  I like to think of her holding my dad's hand and waiting to meet me in Heaven someday.  

I still have such mixed emotions about my second pregnancy.  As with many women who have had miscarriages, I got pregnant again a few months before Story's due date, and if she had been born, I never would have had my wonderful little baby J who is sleeping on my chest while I type this.  That makes me happy and sad at the same time.  

On her estimated birthday, March 23rd, I felt almost nothing.  But on April 23rd, I realized that part of me had been assuming she'd be born late.  A month after, though, I should have been holding a newborn.  That's when I realized how much I missed her.  

For Mother's Day, I was given a necklace with little footprints and a March birthstone so that I could have something to remember my second baby by before my third was born.  I wore that necklace right up to J's birth.  Unfortunately, I had to stop wearing most jewelry because baby J just about ripped it off my neck!  But every time I see it, I remember how much I love Story.  

I lived my first 25 years relatively peacefully, but since then, I've lost my dad, my grandpa, baby Story, and I have faced other significant challenges in my life.  I prayed then and continue to pray that God will cause me to grow through these circumstances, and that he will provide ways for me to share and help others through theirs.  I've already had many great opportunities, and I welcome more.  

When we knew that my dad probably wasn't going to live much longer, he asked me to help pick music for his funeral.  I chose a song that I would want at my own funeral--a Chris Tomlin song called "I Will Rise."  Here are just a few of the lyrics:

There's a peace I've come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul, I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won, He is risen from the dead

If you don't have this peace and hope in Christ, please know that it is not far away.  If you would like to know more, send me a comment.  (I'll keep them private.)  Psalm 103 says that the Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.  

Happy birthday Story!  Your mom loves you!

Cloth Baby Wipe Solution

I failed at cloth wipes with my first baby.  Poor L had to get used to the Costco wipes I eventually settled on, but I really wish I had stuck with it.  If I set my mind to it, I can stick with just about anything.  Well...maybe that's a stretch.  There are things I thought I set my mind to that I've given up on.  But anyway, I was determined to cloth diaper, and cloth diaper I did!  I knew using cloth wipes would be simple to wash and reuse, but I never got my solution down, and the spray each wipe method I was using just didn't work for me.  I never got the wipe evenly wet and I often ended up with a mess.  This time, I decided to dedicate my wipes warmer to the cloth wipes and try different batches until I get it right!  I'm about ready for my second experiment, but I'm going to blog the first so that I have it for reference.  Here goes...

Cloth Baby Wipe Solution

1 cup witch hazel

2 T aloe vera

3 T oil (grapeseed)

1 T vitamin E oil

4 drops lavender essential oil

4 drops tea tree essential oil

This makes about 1 1/2 cups and I divide it in half to add to my wipes with about a cup of filtered water each time.  The problems I'm encountering is how to get the wipes evenly wet with the oils distributed throughout since oil and water don't mix.  I may need to look into emulsifiers.  (It's really strange that I'm using any type of science-y vocabulary.  I was a good student, but BAD at science.)  Attempt number two probably coming tomorrow since I'm almost out of wipes!!

Hand Sanitizer

I forgot to post this recipe when I made it over the summer.  I made it exactly from this blog http://www.diynatural.com/how-to-make-natural-hand-sanitizer/ except I used Rosemary instead of Lavender and did about 1/4 recipe to fit into a three oz bottle.  This is one of my favorites that I've made.  It is much more moisturizing, and I can tell that it is healthier for my hands than commercial hand sanitizers.

For my own personal recipe collection, the ingredients are:

10 drops Tea Tree Essential Oil
1 tsp Witch Hazel
1/4 cup Aloe Vera gel
A few drops vitamin E oil

**Edited 5/1/15 to drop Rosemary EO. I now recommend adding a few extra drops of something like cedarwood or patchouli that are considered safe for kids. Check out planttherapy.com for the essential oils I use.

Natural Deodorant Without Baking Soda

Making my own deodorant was one of my first DIY semi-failures.  When it worked, it worked great!  I noticed less sweat and odor, but unfortunately my skin periodically reacts to it.  I did a little research and found out that I am not alone.  Some people have success with omitting baking soda and doubling the arrowroot powder.  I was a little hesitant because I know that baking soda absorbs scent and moisture, so I tried to ignore the reaction and I’ve used the deodorant with baking soda on and off for months.  I finally got fed up with it, but there is no chance I want to go back to the chemicals in my old deodorant.  The natural store-bought deodorants haven’t worked well either, so clearly it is time to try making it without baking powder.  I looked at some recipes online and am ready to test my own concoction!

Natural Deodorant Without Baking Soda

1/8 cup shea butter

1/8 cup coconut oil

10 drops Tea Tree Essential Oil

10 drops Grapefruit Essential Oil

Splash of Vitamin E Oil

¼ cup arrowroot powder

I made my own double boiler with a small sauce pan with an inch or so of water.  Inside I used a 2-cup pyrex type glass container that I happen to use to store my deodorant. A 1-cup will definitely work next time, probably even if I double the recipe.  I measured out the shea butter first since it has the hottest melting temp.  As it was melting, I added the coconut oil and heated until completely liquefied.  I added the essential oil next and mixed.  Finally, I added the arrowroot powder and stirred until the powder was completely mixed in.  I planned to take the container off the stove first, but I couldn’t figure out how to get it out of the saucepan without using my fingers!  

I’m typing this as it cools and I’m swirling it around periodically to keep the ingredients mixed.  It smells amazing.  I’m not a grapefruit person, but I recently discovered that I LOVE the scent of grapefruit essential oil.  I can’t wait for it to cool completely so I can try it!!!

Foaming Shaving Soap

Now that I've got two little critters to contend with, simple is everything!  Today, the big one worked on his workbook learning colors and letters while I refilled the homemade wipes solution, my body wash, and tried my new shaving soap recipe!  I hardly ever have time to use this product--someone is always crying for mom or has to leave for work in two minutes and can't watch the critters any longer--but I'll try to test it out in the next day or so.  

Foaming Shaving Soap
1/4 cup liquid castille soap
1/4 cup filtered water
1/4 cup aloe vera gel
3 tsp oil (must be liquid at room temp)
1 tsp vitamin E oil (natural preservative)
Essential oil drops for fragrance if desired
foaming soap bottle (6-8oz)

Add ingredients to soap bottle and shake to combine.

See, that was easy!  Now, to spend the rest of the time hunting for a good price on more liquid castille soap since I'm almost out, and I need it before I run out of laundry detergent!  Seriously, I do at least one load a day to keep up with my precious family.  And speaking of family, I should really change my profile picture to include baby J.  Add it to the list!

Raw Honey Body Wash

It's been a while since I last posted a do-it-yourself recipe.  The end of pregnancy was quite tiring and I put all my extra energy into going for long walks to keep myself in good shape and hopefully END the pregnancy.  Ending didn't really happen since I barely went into labor before my 41 week 6 day induction was scheduled, but at least I had a shorter than average labor.  :)  

This morning, I realized it was time to make some body wash.  I've tried this recipe once before, but I ran out a few days after J was born.  I don't have the stamina to do any of this stuff yet, but I just couldn't wait another day!  (Right now, he's 15 days old.)  Luckily, like most recipes, it was a quick mix.  I liked the first batch so much that I doubled it this time!

Body Wash
1 1/3 cup of liquid castile soap
1/2 cup of honey (raw, unfiltered is best)
4 tsp oil (olive, grape seed, jojoba--NOT coconut, needs to be liquid at room temp)
2 tsp Vitamin E oil
20-40 drops Essential oil

Combine ingredients in a squirt or pump top bottle.  Shake to combine.

Some tips: 
I use a pyrex measuring cup with a spout for the oil and soap.  Measuring out the soap first keeps the honey from sticking to the cup too badly.  Heat the honey a little if it is solid so it is easier to pour--hopefully I didn't destroy too many of the raw properties!  I bought most ingredients at Trader Joe's.  I used peppermint castile soap, which is quite powerful, so I only used 20 drops of tea tree essential oil because of its antibacterial properties.  I get that from Mountain Rose Herbs (online), but I'm looking into doTerra for the future purchases though they are quite expensive.  I've been reading that essential oils are not regulated, so you have to find a trustworthy company.  (Not that I've got any complaints about Mountain Rose Herbs.)  The words "pure" and "organic" can be relative terms in the industry.  

I'm not using DIY shampoo anymore because my hair is very picky.  (Isn't everyone's?)  But, in a pinch, this recipe is so close to the shampoo I was making that I'd use it for a day or two if I ran out of my store-bought stuff.  I'm currently using Organix--you can get it just about anywhere--but I'm taking suggestions.  I've got wavy/curly hair that needs moisture!   

Baby J's Birthday

JMT born October 15, 2013

It’s taken me an entire week of writing this in bits and pieces.  I hope it all makes sense!  Also, this is my record of J’s birth, so I wanted to record as many of the details as I could remember.  Hopefully it’s not TMI, but read at your own risk!

J’s birth was quite an exciting ride!  After C-section with L, I knew I wanted to try to have a natural birth, and I knew my best chance was to learn everything I could and do the whole thing without drugs and interventions as much as possible.

To give a quick recap, I was seeing a Certified Nurse Midwife because she would allow us to have a hospital birth with the benefits of having a midwife in the room with us throughout labor and delivery.  We were very happy with our choice until we found out at 38 weeks 2 days that our hospital would only allow us to have a repeat C-section since they measured my pelvis to be too small to risk a natural birth.  We scheduled the surgery for the following Friday, but I truly felt that it was the wrong decision.  Fortunately I was talking to a woman who we later hired to be our doula, and she made a couple of connections for us with doctors that would be willing to give me a trial of labor at a different hospital.  We chose a wonderful doctor and decided to hire S to be our doula to make sure we’d have someone who knew our hopes and how to help us achieve them in the room with us!

During the few days that it took to line up our new arrangements, I was praying that I wouldn’t go into labor and have to make a spur of the moment decision to go ahead with C-section or just refuse and take my chances at a different hospital.  Once we met the new doctor, it was back to praying for a swift and positive end to pregnancy!  I went in for a 40 week appointment and was dilated to 2 cm and 50% effaced.  I’d also been having strong Braxton Hicks contractions that were sometimes even 5 minutes apart.   Every few days, they’d get close together like that, but then they’d slow back down.  At my 41 week 2 day appointment, I was 3 cm, 70% and having several contractions an hour most of the time.  We did a non-stress test which went fine and which agreed with me about the strength of contractions!  Dr. K was pretty sure I’d go into labor that night (Friday), but we scheduled an ultrasound to check fluid level and health of the placenta, and planned to induce on Tuesday morning if I didn’t go into labor on my own.  Dr. K has a reputation for predicting when labor will start, so I didn’t worry about the induction.  Unfortunately, we got through the weekend, and I found myself still pregnant and worried on Monday morning. 

Next to C-section, Pitocin was the last thing I wanted.  I’d hoped we could even try more natural induction methods, but I was so far dilated that it wasn’t even worth doing something to get me to dilate.  I told doctor and doula my fears, but they both reassured me that this would be nothing like my induction with L.  Clearly my body was progressing on its own, so Dr. K would just use the bare minimum of Pitocin and turn it off once my body took over.  After a lot of prayer, I was able to let go of my worries and try to relax.  We sent L to grandma’s house so that we’d all sleep well.  I managed to fall asleep at a decent hour.  D, on the other hand, was too anxious to get to sleep until after midnight.

At around 12:45 I woke up with a contraction.  It had been my pattern to wake up with them most nights and even have trouble falling back asleep until I got up and moved around for a while.  I didn’t think much of it and went back to sleep for a while.  At around 1:30, I woke up with another one and had to get up.  I went downstairs, got a snack, checked Facebook, and had a few other surprisingly strong contractions.  I started timing.  Three minutes apart.  I moved around some more, trying to change positions, but they continued and the pain in my back got stronger.  I tried watching TV and working/resting through contractions.  I was trying hard not to jump to conclusions or get my hopes up, but I finally decided that if I had two more strong contractions, I’d go wake D up.

I got through one more.  The pain was so strong in my back that I decided I needed him right away.  Since we were both really tired, I had D lay behind me and just put pressure on my back during every contraction.  They spaced out to about 7 minutes apart, so we both slept between.  It was great to be able to rest, but during the contractions, I couldn’t move or really cope with the pain.  After about an hour, I decided I had to get out of bed and try the shower.  Once in the shower, the contractions picked up to three minutes apart again, but were far less intense.  We decided to call Dr. K since the idea is close together and more intense.  I figured it was better to let her know.  That was sometime around 4 in the morning.  She wanted us to go ahead and come in for the 7:30 scheduled induction (not that she was going to induce at this point) just to keep us from getting stuck in rush hour traffic.  We were more than willing.  D packed up our bags and loaded the car.  I worked through contractions, but I needed his help as soon as I could get it.  We tried to eat some to keep up our energy.  We tried watching TV.  Clearly I was in active labor, because it was hard to do anything but breathe. 

We left for the hospital at around 6:45.  The sunrise was beautiful.  I didn’t care.  I had around five contractions on the way.  I missed D’s help so much!  We got to the hospital valet parking and I had two contractions very quickly just trying to get out of the car and into a wheel chair.  I walk all the time, but I was not going to try it this time!  Going in, I understood how the flight or fight instinct kicks in and can stall labor.  Just going into the sterile hospital environment made me feel a little panicky.  I could tell I was hyperventilating a little bit, so I just tried to get through.  As soon as I got to my room and saw nurse K, I relaxed.  She was calm and reassuring.  She got me on the fetal heart rate and contraction monitors, got my capped IV in (VBAC requirement), and asked a bunch of questions.  Then she did an exam and found I was 5+ cm!  

My doula, S, came shortly after and we worked on several positions for contractions.  Dr. K came around maybe 10ish.  She didn’t check me, which was good and bad.  News of progress would have been nice, but I definitely didn’t want to hear no change.  An hour or so later, something must have changed because S asked if I was starting to feel like pushing.  I said, maybe, but not anything strong.  She still had Dr. K come check me.  The only thing I didn’t want to hear was 8, because that’s where I stalled with L.  Sure enough, 8 cm, but stretchy.  In all my studying, I hadn’t encountered “stretchy” so I was surprised when she said I could start pushing as I felt like it.  As far as I knew, I was still in transition. 

I fully expected transition to be the hardest part.  I was waiting for the double peak contractions.  I may have had two, and I know there was a point where I got hot and cold, so I guess that was it. 

They suggested I try the shower for some pain relief.  It was helpful, but tricky since the water temperature would fluctuate quite a bit.  My monitors were not picking up the baby’s heartbeat—this is where I knew I had an exceptional doctor—Dr. K, herself was holding the monitor on my stomach and moving it around to try to catch the beat.  She was getting splashed on and everything for probably at least half an hour.  I was so exhausted that I kept nodding off in the shower between contractions.  I finally decided I’d had enough and was brave enough to try get out.  (Contractions got stronger whenever I moved.) 

Since I was tired, they suggested that I try pushing in bed.  At this point, I still didn’t have much of a desire to push, but they were sure I could start.  David was behind me, doula on the right, nurse on the left, and doctor sitting on the foot of the bed.  They had me hold my legs, tuck my chin, and curl up to push as hard as I could.  I had to push three to four times per contraction.  Transition was not the hardest!  Pushing was very painful, and I was very tired.  Dr. K broke my water sometime while I was pushing, but I’m not sure when.  All I know is that his head was so low hardly any fluid came out.  After a while, we tried shifting to my side for a few contractions. The last thing I thought I’d be doing was screaming, but I definitely did some of that.  After one unhealthy scream, I remember saying (joking a little), “that was not good for my voice.”  The nurse thought that it was funny I’d care, but my doula told her I was a singer, so it would matter to me.  And I knew from my classes that I shouldn’t be screaming, because only low sounds would be helpful.  That sure didn’t stop me.  After a few more, I returned to my back because it was the most restful.  I was thinking about my “small pelvis” and “big baby” and that I should probably be in a better position, but they kept telling me I was making great progress. I’d hear, “Push as hard as you can,” and I’d try, but I was sure it wasn’t hard enough.  They kept saying that I’d had a really great push and that he was almost here, but I was sure they were just trying to keep me from giving up. My doula told me Dr. K was getting ready J was definitely posterior (face up), but he turned as he was coming out.  Dr. K asked if I wanted to see in a mirror, feel the baby’s head.  I said no!  (I guess when I am in pain, I like to pretend it’s not happening…?)  She convinced me to touch his head, and I really was shocked to feel it.  We actually were close to the end!  Things got a little intense at the end since he angled up at the last minute and I ended up tearing where you don’t normally tear, and I’m not sure what happened, but he must have practically exploded out because I heard, “Head! Shoulders!” and he was on my chest in the same second.  I literally could not believe it was over. 

They toweled J off and he stayed on my chest for an hour.  I had to be stitched up, and I was bleeding more than normal, so I needed a shot of Pitocin.  (Nothing like the drip!)  At some point, I asked what time he was born.  The nurse told me 2:03.  I asked her how long I’d been pushing and she said, “You got back into bed a little after 1:00, so just under an hour.”  I was prepared for an epically long labor and hours of pushing.  Even though the pain was worse than I imagined, it was over much more quickly than I anticipated. 

It’s night and day difference between my C-section and VBAC.  There is still pain, but I could get out of bed on my own immediately.  We bonded and nursed well right away.  The toughest part has been trying to remember that I’m in recovery.  I’m so much more mobile that I don’t remember I should be resting until I have already done too much. 

It’s crazy and sad to me that I wouldn’t be allowed to have this experience in the hospital we’d originally chosen.  We are planning to visit our midwife and nurse from that hospital next week, and I only hope that our success will influence some change for them.  Nothing about my labor was predictable or even matched my expectations.  My husband was awesome!  I was almost as proud of him as I am of myself. 

J is a great baby.  L loves him, but is adjusting to sharing mommy. I’m so thankful for the successful outcome without induction or drugs, my support team, and for the prayers and love from family and friends. We couldn’t have done it alone!  

ICAN! Not your typical day in the life of a pregnant woman.

(Acronym guide below if you are confused.)

A little backstory—I had a C-section with my firstborn, which I now believe to have been unnecessary.  I was not very well informed.  I don’t recall having any friends who were pregnant at the time to influence me, and I was so afraid of the pain of labor and delivery that for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to just ignore it until I had to do it!  I really loved my doctor, but I’ve learned since that you should always ask questions about the risks and benefits of what you are being advised to do.  Had I done that, I’m sure she would have let me labor longer, and I might have progressed farther than 8 cm.

After the C-section, when recovery was more painful and difficult than I could have imagined, I started wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t let fear cloud my judgment.   At first I thought there was no way I’d every want to attempt a VBAC* if there was a chance I would just have to have a C-section again.  Then I came upon a concept called the cascade of intervention.  It goes something like this: induction, Pitocin, epidural (to manage the pain of Pitocin contractions), numbing your body’s labor instincts because of epidural and restricted movement impedes baby’s descent, more Pitocin, less progress, C-section!  It sounded a little too familiar.   I came to the conclusion that I would have had a MUCH better chance of delivering naturally had I said no to Pitocin, induction, and epidural.  But that didn’t change my fear of pain.

Gradually I came around to the idea of doing birth completely naturally with no pain medication.  I wanted my best shot at having a VBAC.  I researched midwives and OBs.  We decided that homebirth was not for us (though I love the idea and cheer for those who do it!).  A birth center seemed nice, but an added expense that insurance probably wouldn’t cover.  The risks of VBAC, though quite small percentages, made us feel more comfortable with a hospital setting.  I found the world of Certified Nurse Midwifery. Nurses take a masters level degree in midwifery and are able to prescribe and treat much like a nurse practitioner.  They often can’t take high-risk pregnancies and can’t perform surgery.  The advantage, at least in our situation, is that the CNM is with you through the whole labor and delivery, unlike an OB doc who will check in on you periodically and can be attending many births at the same time.  We interviewed one CNM and something she said at the end put this picture in my mind that I would be in good hands on a very painful day of my life! 

So we signed on.  I had so many questions and concerns over the last eight months, and my CNM gave me great confidence.  About halfway through, I looked into Bradley Method classes to help us be even more prepared to deal with unexpected turns in labor.  I found and was encouraged to take an 8-week childbirth prep class through Well-Rounded Maternity.  We were the only second timers in the class, but it was well worth the information and confidence it gave us. 

Then came the bad news.  I guess I was told that to have a VBAC at our hospital I would be required to have a pelvimetry x-ray and ultrasound to compare the size of the baby to the size of my pelvis.  I don’t remember.  We reluctantly agreed to do it despite my concerns about radiation.  It didn’t seem worth it to switch hospitals at 32ish weeks when I realized we had to go through with it.   I thought we’d go along with it and insist on a trial of labor whatever the results.  My class had taught me that the only way to truly prove a pelvis was too narrow was a TOL. 

We had the x-ray and ultrasound on Friday at 38 weeks.  The x-ray suggested that I have a small mid-pelvic measurement.  The ultrasound (which have at least a 2lb margin of error) suggested a large baby with a larger head.  This would have been discouraging news.  It became heartbreaking news when we were told that afternoon that there was no way the hospital would allow us a TOLAC with those measurements!  I found myself facing a mandatory repeat C-section after all my incredibly hard work, money invested, and hours of driving to classes and appointments which were all an hour round trip, Stunned, we agreed to set up the C-section for this coming Friday.  I had a nagging feeling that it wasn’t right, but who is going to switch doctors at 38 weeks? (Hint: that would be me.)

We prayed, talked, and even though I knew I would make myself crazy, I started researching pelvimetry and VBAC stats.  On Sunday morning I woke up just feeling like giving in to the c-section was the WRONG decision. 

I’d talked to a nurse turned doula turned midwife in training (we’ll call her S).  When she heard about my situation, she got on the phone with a doctor friend to find out what the deal was with this pelvimetry thing.  I called S back and gave her the details.  I also called my class instructor, C, who recommended I try getting another opinion and seeing if a doctor would take me on at 38 weeks.  C and S referred me to the SAME doctor who does tons of VBACs.  S told me that her friend said pelvimetry was an outdated practice and that hospitals don’t even make people do them anymore.  They had no idea why mine wanted it, let alone would forbid my VBAC because of it.  (The pelvis changes in labor; so do babies’ heads.)  Thanks to S and her doctor-friend’s help, I got in to see Dr. W (the VBAC guy) TODAY!!!! 

Dr. W was incredibly supportive and helpful.  He is willing to take me as a patient even if I go into labor right now.  He said pelvimetry went out of date in the 1950s and he can’t believe a hospital in the area would still require it.  He answered all of our questions.  The only downside is that I won’t be able to eat once I go to the hospital, whereas I could have at my original hospital.  (Here’s to hoping for one of those labors that isn’t three or four days long!)  I might meet with S’s friend Dr. K tomorrow.  She’s a family practice doctor who can do VBACs also as long as Dr. W signs off.  She also agreed to take me as a patient even without meeting with me yet! 

No one can guarantee a 100% risk free VBAC, but the same is true of C-section--especially a repeat C-section.  When I’ve compared the risks of the two, I am much more comfortable with VBAC risks.  Even considering that some VBACs still lead to C-section, the TOL alone has important benefits for the baby and me.   I’m really sad that I have to part ways with my CNM.  She was great, and in my perfect world, I would still want to VBAC with her. 

I am completely amazed at how this day has turned out.  C has been a wonderful support.  S went to bat for me, and I haven’t even met her in person yet.  I prayed that I’d be able to get an answer about whether or not to go ahead with the C-section by Wednesday.  It’s still Monday and I had my answer by 6:00.  God is faithful.  SDG.

*Acronyms guide:

ICAN: International Cesarean Awareness Network http://ican-online.org/

VBAC: Vaginal Birth After Cesarean

CNM: Certified Nurse Midwife

TOL: Trial of Labor

TOLAC: Trial of Labor After Cesarean

ERC: Elective Repeat Cesarean

SDG: Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God alone, made famous by J.S. Bach who signed SDG after all his compositions)